Before I'm Too Far Gone...

"Funny the way it is- somebody's heart is broken it becomes your favorite song."

Where do I begin? I've been given a new load of responsibilities at work and while it means a change of work and more hours along with the opportunity to "prove" myself to management it's also bringing to light some changes in me that I could do without.

I knew there would be an issue when he passed me, clothes billowing around his body, the scent of a transient life flirting with noses of those in his wake. As I was assisting a customer my manager's voice came over the walkie "Could you turn down that radio?" I wasn't near it, I dodged over to it and there he was. Dancing and singing witha gap toothed grin. I stopped about five feet from him and mimed turning a knob. He turned it down and continued his celebration. I left to find my guest and not long afer the voice came over the walkie again, "Is it me or is that radio loud?!?" I responded "There's a gentleman dancing and singing and keeps turning it back up, it's honestly making me uncomfortable."

As the words left me I wanted to drop the walkie and go home. It wasn't me, he wasn't making me uncomfortable. I just wanted not to hear her voice come over the walkie again.

It hit me on the drive the home that night, maybe this guy just wanted to feel the way he did at some point in the past, what if he was stealing a bit of joy in a very low point in his life? I feel like a dick, I work around these "high-end"ish people and now in lieu of becoming more responsible I've had to trade a bit of personal comfort. I'm cheery (I've forced myself to become bubbly, it makes people feel more comfortable) even when I feel like I couldn't give a rats ass about anything and that the whole world is made of shit and that for some reason everyone still insists on making me wipe my shoes before I step into their own personal shit.

I feel better than I have in a long time alothough the pressure I'm getting at work to be some kind of customer service god send is nerve racking, I've left all of my other jobs for this very reason, I hate micro management- to have some dousche checking in and asking insultingly inane questions is so frustrating but I'm thankful to at least have a job and that's why I approached this one with optimism. That's why I'm changing, perhaps it's what is best. I'm just so afraid that this is the one of the first steps that will lead me to being a worker ant whose dreams were long ago forsaken.


I'm not entirely sure that this particular post had a reason... just some things I needed to say I guess.







Although this Rob Pattinson song seems completely random, it just happens to fit my mood and while I'm not a screaming fangirl I have to admit that I'd pre-order any /all cd's he'd say was in the works. Yea, people that's right he actually sounds better than he looks. According to screaming women across the planet an amazing feat.