Rebooting and giving the Boot

My little sister is having a baby and my oldest sister is throwing a shower for her- everyone is doing something and I ended up paying for the food. God must have some kind of humor, on the day that I was to go shopping for the viddles with my older sister she fired on me. Almost out of nowhere came a hail of bullets concerning my personal life, what are my plans for the next six months, five years and why don't I have a boyfriend? Am I seeing someone special? What am I doing with my life because I'm going to look up and be 30 years old still not having accomplished anything.

That was it. My mood had packed up all of it's things, next stop Bitchville. I love my sister but come on, who does this? Just about every time she see's me, I don't really want to tell her that I don't care to share my plans with her because they're the one part of my life at this point that is mine and mine alone. Not to mention that I believe that my biggest accomplishment is that I'm still alive.

"You've been out of highschool for almost 5 years now and you haven't really accomplished anything." (in my head everyone runs for cover and the guy flipping burgers (we were sitting at a McDonalds inside a Walmart) shuts the grill flutes "Whelp! Time to go.") I see red. I just want to peel back her scalp and spit on her skull, here I am in horrible shape mentally, fiscally, emotionally and nearly physically (achey knees and enumerable cavities) and she's kicking me when I'm down. Long story short, she killed my party spirit well before the actual party. I don't get it- I go out of my way to be as beige as possible in these situations, you know not red (angry), not blue (sad) not purple (any apparent mixture of those emotions) and people just can't seem to realize that when someone just shuts down while you're speaking to them it probably isn't something that they care to discuss.

The baby shower was semi-successful. People showed up despite the fact that the Gods flushed an apparently massively overflowing toilet and the enitre street was under water. I think I'm done with her. I'm not currently speaking to my mother whom I overheard telling god knows who over the phone that I'm (I shit you not, this was the term she chose) "handicapped" because I still live at home at the absurdly old age of 22. I said f*ck it. I'm over this whole BEIGE phase, I've been letting people slide with their BS and I just can't bear it anymore. I'm going red all over their ehem... behinds.

Yeah, got to try and live solely for myself and let everyone else choke on their negativity.

Kabluey

I've not been having the best month but then who has, there aren't really enough hours to go around at work; there are other things that are the main occupants of my thought processes and much of them are attatched to a lack of cash. I know, I know money is a taboo subject but it's killing me. The stress is crushing, especially because I'm getting the "Pay for this and that or hit the bricks" at home and I would if I could but I really can't but nobody gives a _ _ _ _ and it's all just been festering. I was off a few days ago and I ended up having some loose cash (about $10) and thought "You know what, I've been under a lot of stress and I think I deserve to laugh". I went to Blockbusters and rented two movies 'Kabluey' and 'Bottleshock' and came home to watch them and as soon as I walked in she (my mother) started in on me about a couple of bills she wanted to me to pay. I told her that I didn't feel like talking about it just then, she proceeded to ramble on about how no one would be living in her house for free blah blah blah. I dismissed it, let it roll off my back the way I do with all of her drunken and unfortunately sometimes sober comments.

I put in Kabluey and opened my aged white cheddar popcorn and started watching, she sat in the dining area behind me and degraded me to someone on the other end of the telephone. Some random person was being told that I was a no good, lazy so and so. I am the one child (of 4) of my mother that still respects her (because it's the right thing to do) and this is what I get. Whenever her life is knee deep in bull _ _ _ _ she chews on somebody's ass and I'm usually a convenient target. Kabluey was so incredibly funny that I was blurting out tufts of laughter and then all of a sudden tears started flowing down my face. I couldn't stop the water works, I still laughed with the antics and beats of the movie but all of my supressed pain and utter sadness was falling out of my eyes. It was hours before I was able to stop crying, my entire face was swollen.

The irony of it all... my emotions erupted while watching a movie called Kabluey.